Tuesday, July 10, 2012

How to give your wife some sugar

Many husbands are accused by their wives that they don't give flowers often enough. I'm not one of them...

Not because I have a no limit spending account at the local florist and present my wife with bundles of colorful plants every other week.

In fact, I remember every single occasion, where my wife has received such a symbol of affection, because I can count them using less fingers than I have on one hand...

No, my wife doesn't suffer from allergy and no, I don't not care about my wife knowing that I love her.

The reason is quite simple: my wife doesn't speak 'gifts' very well.

If I have any understanding of the natural reaction to such a statement out of context, you may have the facial expression of a question mark right now. How do you speak 'gifts' ?

Well, I believe we all express our affection for one another in terms of what we appreciate ourselves. If I appreciate gifts I will present gifts as a sign of love. If I appreciate it when someone does things for me, then serving others would be the most natural way for me to show my love for them...

Personally, my primary love language is praise. That is: I feel appreciated when someone tells me that they like me or that they like what I can do.

My wife, on the other hand, feels appreciated when I do things for her.

The past two weeks I've been working night shifts and because I recognize my wife's love language to be that of doing something for her, when I come home in the morning, the first thing I do is to make her coffee...

It might seem like a small thing to do and I suppose it is. It doesn't cost me anything (except for the coffee itself, which we would have used anyway...) and it takes no time to do it.

Still, the way this tiny gesture is received by my wife makes it anything but tiny. Just by observing her body language and her smile I know she feels appreciated and loved.

Other things demand more effort, but is equally valued as a token of my love for her. Mowing the lawn, doing laundries, making her a sandwich for lunch or fixing things (I really, really am not a handyman, which makes fixing things even more valuable to her!) are all ways of sending her a simple, but extremely important message: I love you so much that I make an effort to speak your love language!

What is the love language of YOUR loved ones and in which ways do you make an effort to speak them?

Note: if you want to read more about love languages, the book beneath is a great tool: